Cutting Ties

I know that making hard decisions are a part of life and a part of growing up. I just wish I didn’t have to make them. I have two pressing issues on my hands that I need to make decisions on within the month. One of them is a little too personal for me to talk about on here just yet, so I’ll update you guys after I’ve decided on what I am going to do. The other decision has to do with school.

I’m in my second year of college and I am almost done with my G.E.s which is great. After this I’ll be able to take classes specifically for my major (Creative Writing) which has me really excited. The only thing is that I’m in a financial dilemma. My parents are middle-class and are considered “well off” by the government. So we don’t get any financial aid to help with my tuition or textbooks (keep in mind its a small state college, so tuition isn’t crazy expensive as UCLA or any such college). All the money for my education comes out of the pockets of my parents and recently out of my own. A reason why I don’t like talking about my financial status with people is that people begin to think that I’m “rich” or spoiled and tend to put me in this box marked “has everything handed to her”, which to a certain extent is true. I just hate being labeled as such.

But having everything handed to you comes with the burden of also having it all thrown back in your face. I told myself that I wanted to become independent from my parents. I don’t like the fact that I have to owe them anything for my school or for my car. Don’t take this as me being ungrateful. I am incredibly grateful and appreciative of everything that my parents have made possible for me. But when you’re constantly hearing “I don’t know how we’re going to afford this anymore” or “we can’t pay for this because we’re paying for that”, it’s a punch in the gut. Recently, my parents have been talking about taking my little sister out of her private school because its another thing they can’t afford anymore. I remember changing schools a lot when I was younger and it sucked, and having spent my entire school education in public school, I don’t want her to be in that system.

I don’t like having to rely on my parents to pay for such huge expenses like school. I don’t like having that keep my little sister from going to the school she’s gone to since pre-k. And I definitely don’t like feeling to useless and dependent on everyone to run my life for me.

So I’m thinking about differing from school for a year, maybe two. I know it’s not the best decision. I know that once you leave it’s challenging to go back because life continues to get in the way. I know becoming solely independent is another challenge on its own. It’s been on my mind for far too long and I feel like it is something that I have to do, something that I have to push myself to do or else it’s never going to happen.

So my plan (not thoroughly thought out yet) is:

  • Finish G.E’s at a community college during the summer
  • Get a full time job (still keeping the part-time I have now)
  • Get involved in activities or work that will benefit me in the long run
  • Save money to buy myself a car and/or at some point down the road move out.

Like I said, I know it’s not the best plan in the world and I’m still trying to figure out the details of all of it. But honestly, I think it’s the best thing for me to try to attempt. If I fail, then I get knew knowledge of how to go about it again in the future. But I’ll never know unless I try.




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