The Single Deal

Day 1: Your current relationship. If single, describe how single life is.

I’ve been single for nearly two months now; the longest I’d been single since I was fourteen. In the beginning, it was painful. It still is sometimes, but I’ve adjusted.I recently realized that the reason why I was still hurting, crying, or upset about all of this isn’t just because I’m still in love with the guy. It’s okay to still hurt over losing someone you’re still in love with. But I was still hurting so much because I was making myself hurt. For the first month while he and I were still adjusting to not being able to physically touch each other anymore or declare our feelings for each other anymore, it was hard. He would constantly tell me that sometimes he didn’t want to talk to me or be around me because he didn’t want to hurt me anymore.I kept telling myself that no matter what he did, I was going to hurt anyway because I still loved him and that wasn’t his fault.

Then one day, I found myself holding back tears after dropping him off at his house after hanging out and I realized that my reasoning was bullshit. I realized that I was still clinging to him.I was still clinging to the fantasy of what we used to be and how he used to be. I was clinging onto feelings and that made the thought of him moving on so painful. I was the one making myself hurt. I didn’t want to hurt anymore. I told myself that as much as the thought pained me of him being with someone else and loving someone other than me, I had to let him go. It was clear that he’d let me go a while ago. It was time for me to do the same.

I’m allowing myself to feel okay about being alone. I’m allowing myself to be sad and confused and to explore things on my own. But I’m not allowing myself to hurt over the relationship anymore. I’m not allowing myself to cry about it anymore. I’ve done enough of that. Now it’s time for me to figure out who I am without being apart of someone else.

So the single life so far has been a rough transition. But I know it’ll push me to new limits and new comfort zones.



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